- Posted by Janet Zaretsky
- On February 21, 2017
- 0 Comments
Have you ever had an experience like mine?
I walked to the front of the audience, as I had thousands of times before. I stepped up on the raised stage, and began speaking. It was an engaging, and intense interactive seminar- the kind I had led for the past 18 years. Then, something changed. The man, who was my superior, who was there to develop me at a higher level, started making faces and expressions that demonstrated he was not happy. I generally am unflappable when leading a seminar, or any sort of public speaking. But, this was different. At a break, he expressed exasperation with me, said some things to me about me that unnerved me. I went back and I started tripping over my words. I could not think clearly and it showed. He expressed more displeasure and it got worse. I had lost my confidence. When I lost my confidence, I lost touch with who I am and started being an incompetent leader. Really, I stopped being a leader and in my experience, was small and stupid. It was a wholly unpleasant and unsuccessful experience.
The lessons I learned from that experience had a huge positive experience on me. I am forever grateful to that man for teaching me one of the most valuable lessons in being successful. Confidence, not competence as most people think, is the utmost important trait in success.
There are several studies that show that confidence is critical to being successful. Many of my clients have shared with me stories of being in meetings or presentations where they knew more than the person presenting, were more informed, more educated, more competent, yet, they had an experience where their opinion was not listened to with as much weight as the person presenting. They were highly competent, even more qualified to address the topic being addressed, but what the person presenting lacked in competence they more than made up in confidence.
This is especially applicable for many women when presenting their opinion in a male dominated setting. In reality, men are often louder, often interrupt, speak on top of others to get their point across. If we look back through history, men are designed to dominate, as they had to ‘provide’ for us to survive. Our brain chemistry reacts to that situation in a way that occurs from fear— we experience a spike in the chemicals that signal flight, fight, appease or please and we literally slow our ability to think normally. It happens. I don’t know many people who have not had that experience. I jokingly call it the stupid air- as that is the experience!
You always recover; return to a normal state where your brilliance shines. However, the toll it takes on you is frequently an undermining of your confidence, which then limits your success to some or even a great extent.
There are a number of things you can do to stop losing your confidence and, in fact, build your confidence so these sorts of experiences do not rattle you.
I want to support you. So, I created the Confidence Killers Quiz to help you identify places where you may have undermined your confidence in order to start to build it back up. I also have done a very successful technique with thousands of clients to restore your confidence in the areas where it is weak, or where you have patterns that seem to repeat themselves. I call this the Confidence Cascade. I highly recommend you take the Confidence Killers Quiz– it is free. Then get my Confidence Cascade which I normally charge $199 for and am giving it away for a mere $17 right now.
I want you to be as successful as possible. That is very important to me, which is why I created these techniques to support you. Demonstration of your full competence is only seen through the lens of your expression of being confident.
Be confident=Be Successful.