Have you ever had one of those experiences where you seem to talk and talk to someone and they don’t seem to hear you? Do you end up frustrated and wonder what is wrong with them? Or have you had people in your life where it seems you have to say the same thing over and over and they never get it? Or you are talking, and they are talking on top of you?

I have. In those moments, I want to scream—HELLO!! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I don’t because I know it is likely futile; they are not listening.

In working with clients, one of the things I pride myself on is my listening skills. I wish I could say they came naturally, but they did not. I grew up in a very noisy family with 4 loud, talkative siblings and it often occurred as if I had to scream or doing something radical to get anyone to notice me or listen. It is funny now- as adults, when we get together I observe the same behavior, even now! Our poor spouses! As I said, it was not natural to be a great listener. I had to learn the skills, and practice them over and over for many years until listening became natural. I still sharpen and work on my skills, of course.

Listening is one of the most important skills to learn if you want to impact any situation. I know it often seems that being articulate or talking is the most important skill, however it is not. The best leaders are great because they are great listeners. When you are a great listener, you can hear the words being said, the intention behind the words and may even hear concerns the person speaking has that are not being articulated. Can you see how when you can hear that whole world, you can lead, problem solve and direct people more effectively?

How do you develop your listening skills deeply, you may ask? I am going to outline a few steps, that if you practice, will improve your skills and start you on the path to being a masterful listener and great leader.

1. Admit you are not a great listener.
   1. If you resonated with the questions I asked earlier, I promise you, you are not listening well. It is common to think you are, but admitting you are not or at least need to improve your skills allows you to move past where you are.
2. Practice noticing what you are listening to when someone is talking- or where you stop listening in the conversation.
   1. A common practice for many people is they listen until they hear something they want to respond to, then politely wait for the other person to finish talking (or interrupt them) and then respond. When that happens, you miss much of what is being said.
   2. Noticing where you stop or if you are listening to yourself talk to yourself about what is being said to you is a step in letting that go so you can listen.
3. When you notice you are not actually listening to the person speaking, stop and tell the truth- “I am sorry, I was not listening or I missed that, can you repeat it.” This is honoring the person speaking and also serves as a reminder to yourself to listen.
4. Practice mirroring back or recreation: Say something like “This is what I think I heard …. And is that right?” This allows you to know if you did hear correctly and if not, allows the other person to expand on what they said so their message is actually heard.

 

Try taking these very simple steps in every conversation and before you know it, you will have deepened your listening skills and your leadership ability.

 

I speak to groups and do interactive exercises with groups on communication and leadership development. If that is of interest to you, contact me at https://thezenithbusiness.com/contact-us/